Musings of a 30ish Midwestern Catholic Improv Guy.

Monday, August 11, 2003  

Kept Busy All Week.....

.....I'll keep up my list of "safe parishes" as time permits. In the meantime, I am performing tonight at ComedySportz, along with my fellow workshoppers. We're doing some very ambitious stuff this time, and could either succeed gloriously or fail miserably. Wanna find out how we do? Come on over! It's only $2 in advance, $3 at the door. Call (414) 272-8888 for more info. Website has a map for directions. Bring a friend, and some rotten fruit if you'd like.....

posted by Dave | 5:35 AM

Tuesday, August 05, 2003  

For Those Episcopalians Looking to Swim the Tiber..... are some parishes where you can get the Full Catholic Experience.....

Our Lady of the Atonement in San Antonio, or any of the other Anglican Use parishes.

Any of the Indult Latin Mass parishes and communities.

Just about anywhere in the Diocese of Lincoln, NE.

St. Anthony's in Milwaukee.

St. James in Kenosha, WI.

St. Agnes in St. Paul.

St. John Cantius in Chicago.

St. Thomas More in Chicago.

St. Mary of the Angels in Chicago.

St. Peter in Volo, IL.

St. John Vianney in Northlake, IL.

Assumption Grotto in Detroit.

Will have more later. Contributions are most welcome.

posted by Dave | 7:01 PM

Sunday, August 03, 2003  

From a bygone era....

Check out some of the used vestments sold here.

posted by Dave | 4:14 PM

If I were to reform a parish......

We've heard quite a bit over Fr. Perricone's new parish and the furor caused by the changes he made. While I think Fr. Perricone is right, he could have been a bit more diplomatic and gradual in implementing those changes. OTOH, he would have ticked off some people, no matter how he did things.

Here is something of a blueprint for a priest who wishes to bring a wayward parish back to something resembling orthodoxy. Two things should always be remembered, however: (1) Attitude is everything. The pastor should be gentle and civil, and should praise the good things being done. (2) There will always be somebody who is unhappy about something.

Immediate Changes (if needed)

--Ask the congregation to kneel throughout the Eucharistic Prayer. If there are no kneelers, make it optional for the time being and plan on purchasing kneelers.

--If the parish has more than one priest, make sure that at least one other priest is available to help with Communion.

--Follow proper procedure regarding Eucharistic Ministers. This means not having them receive simultaneously with the celebrant, or (even worse) receiving last. The pastor may also wish to reduce the number of EEM's for each Mass.

-- If the vessel for the hosts is not metal, replace it immediately. Also replace the communion cups as soon as possible.

-- No more of the Malotte version of the Our Father, or any others which omit the "Deliver us, Lord....".

-- If more than one priest resides at a parish, make sure Mass is offered daily -- no excuse for Communion Services!

--Make sure confession time is available weekly (I know of one pastor who did this immediately on assuming his duties).

--No gimmickry -- no sand-filled fonts during Lent, no Dancing Waters during Easter, no dancers at all.

--The Preparation of the Gifts is to go "by the book" -- again, no gimmickry, such as the giftbearers lifting up the bread and wine and placing it on the altar.

--If the altar is "off-center", it gets moved to the center axis.

--If the bread used for Mass is illicit or doubtful, it will no longer be used.

--Certain music may no longer be used, such as "Sing a New Church".

--No more fits of greeting each other or lineup announcements before Mass. The only exception to this is when the celebrant is particularly important, for some reason (new priest, missionary, bishop, etc.).

Gradual Changes

--If the vestments, paraments (altar and lectern hangings), and sanctuary furnishings are of an inferior and/or faddish nature, repace them as finances allow.

--More chant and traditional hymns should be introduced over time. By Flowing Waters is an excellent resource for this.

--More Latin than just Taize. Explain the wherefores and whys to the congregation beforehand.

-- Make the choral Mass more solemn, with multiple servers, incense, and chant.

--If possible, make the earliest Mass more simple, with no music and a minimum of Eucharistic Ministers (if, indeed, they are needed at all).

-- If there is a "Director of Liturgy" separate from the Music Director, do not renew the contract and abolish the position.

-- The Music Director may have to be replaced as well, if he or she is not enthused about the new regime.

--If there are too many female altar servers, institute a quota policy to get some equality in numbers.

--If possible, move the tabernacle back to behind the altar.

--A Corpus Christi procession shouldbe organized and made into a tradition.

--Eucharistic Adoration at a set time each week.

Things not to be changed

--Do not fire all the female altar servers. They are permitted now, and any pastor who would do that would create a lot of enemies.

--Communion under both kinds. It may be done for only one Mass, or done away with for the earliest Mass, or administered as intinction, but it should not be done away with entirely.

Any other suggestions?

posted by Dave | 2:42 PM

State Fair

Had a good time at the Fair last Thursday. Visited the animal barns, which hadn't yet acquired their customary ripe aroma. Rode the sky lift -- Dad does not want to repeat that experience. Ate a venison burger and drank honey-flavored lemonade at the Agricultural Products Building, while Dad had his usual duck fajita. Ordered the traditional creampuffs to go this year.

And, of course, we visited the Exhibition Hall, with its variety of vendors and informational booths. It seems that there is at least one pickles-and-sausage vendor, one miracle-cleaner, and one cookware demo in each aisle. Scattered throughout are various causes and societies -- Free Thought (staffed by the glummest looking people you ever saw); Republicans, Libertarians, and Constitution Parties; Right to Life (they do a great job every year); the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod (were I a man of ample means, I might rent the booth opposite and dress like Tetzlaff); and various Evangelical/Fundamentalist groups.

Two groups were missing this year: Planned Parenthood (no loss) and Catholics. An elderly gentleman used to sell "traditional" Catholic goods, but hasn't been there for years. I think it's past time to have a Catholic Apologetics booth at the State Fair. Any takers out there?

posted by Dave | 10:53 AM